A few years ago I used to be in the choir at church
And during one rehearsal a fellow chorister asked me
‘Why do you look so lost when we are worshipping?
You look like you are not here.’
I don’t quite remember the response I gave her …
At 29 years I have made enough mistakes
Than I can ever hope to admit.
And through the mistakes I realize I have been untrue in many ways
especially through my actions than my words.
But In all my sham and though my failures
My many pretenses to prove I’m strong when inside I was fainting
Through days I acted like I had myself together when I was breaking
The many times I have laughed when I had cried my insides out the night before,
Even moments I have advised friends on things I hadn’t myself proved I could achieve..
In all my lies, through all my mistakes
Through the things that have caused me shame
One thing I never ever want to be a front or a sham is my worship to God.
And I hope you can carry this in your heart
That before your God you will be your truest self
Breakdown when you are broken
Admit it when you are tired
Scream when you are frustrated
And confess your dire and deepest sins, mistakes and shortcomings
Trusting that his grace is sufficient to restore you
And so when you stand before God, whether it’s in a room full of other saints
Whether it is alone in your room
Whether it’s at a crossroad when you need a way
Or whether you are sinking in the valley of the shadow of death
Present your truest and unfeigned self and emotions towards Him
And as you live your life transparently before Him, acknowledging Him as prime,
Recognizing His supremacy and Lordship over your life and giving gratitude for who He is ,
And recognizing how ludicrous life will be without Him,
Your life in itself will be a worship to Him that people may not understand when they stand by you
Because you will carry His presence and your worship will be to an audience of one.
And even when you faint, or your legs give way sometimes (which will happen)
Your restoration will in turn brew a deeper love and a more sincere worship.